A child in the ER

As you know, we are moving on Wednesday morning so things are very upside down over here. No matter how much I try to make it seem like we are normal, it's hard. So we went yard sale shopping today for more furniture for this huge farmhouse. I really love old rockers and tables and baskets and New England yard sales can be gold mines. We found a rocker and I put it in the living room. I was making lunch, Dick was delivering some stuff that was his sister's to her house. I had the water running when I heard this crash followed by hysterical screaming. Felix had rocked the new chair (which is super old) over and it flipped backwards and his head hit the corner of the brick hearth. There was blood literally squirting out of the back of his head and everytime he screamed, it squirted again. I have never seen anything like it. My knees went weak and I felt like I was going to vomit, but Annie was crying watching me and I just kept saying, Oh my God, oh my God. I grabbed a cloth and held it to the back of his head and got him to stop crying so the blood pressure would stop forcing blood out of his head. I stopped the bleeding and called the doc who thought he might need a stitch, but I didn't want to bring both kids to the ER. Anyway, Dick comes home but then, thinking everything was alright, went to a friend's house to hang out with his buddies and left his cell phone in his truck. Felix took a short nap and woke seeming okay, like no concussion signs, but his head was bleeding again and Dick wouldn't answer his phone. So my mom came over, but before I could leave, Annie was coughing like crazy and I had to teach her to use the nebulizer first. Then I took Felix and it took 3 hours because he had to get them to glue the thing shut and they tied knots in his hair to keep the wound closed!!!! As we were waiting for the departure papers, DH texts me all happy..."On my way home!" I'm like, f%&k you, I don't need you now. We had a discussion about how it's responsible to have a cell phone ON one's person. Both children are okay and in bed now, but my adrenaline is rushing and we still have to MOVE in four days.

So much, so much change it's frightening and thrilling at the same time. I am working so hard to arrive at a balanced life and seem to have forgotten to have one while I work at one. We are moving into a new house. It really is my dream house. I want so badly for things to be "normal". I want to have permanent things in my life. A house that we just are in for...well forever really. Schools the kids know they will attend. A job that makes me happy and smarter and brings in the money we need. An uncluttered house filled with things we love. And, a relationship with my husband that is peaceful and passionate. I've been reading Pema Chodron at my friend's request. She is a Buddhist nun who writes about letting go of fear. But she writes about so much that I think will be helpful to me in finding a balance. Today she wrote about aspiring to reconnect with the natural flexibility of our being and to help others do the same. I am so flexible, sometimes too much so I fear. I will bend and bend and bend when I really want to grow roots and never move. I find I am more sure of my flexibility than of my rooting.

Welcome

I think it's a good thing that no one knows about this blog yet because NO ONE I know would call me balanced. I beg to differ and that is why I wanted to start this blog. I want to share who I am as a mother, a wife and a (hopefully!) soon to be teacher in order to share how much all three roles matter to me. I want to show--maybe even to myself--how I am working hard all the time to be the best I can be without being perfect because for me perfection is NEVER the goal. The goal is balance and no one side can be perfect if one wants balance in all three.